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Super Soul Searching

 I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching the past few weeks. What that really means is that I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and complaining to Sarah a lot. But my soul feels searched. Ish.

Clearly I still have some podcasts to listen to. (I’m on it.)

I haven’t written much of anything since the last thing I wrote here. And as much “soul searching” as I’ve done, it hasn’t exactly helped with writer’s block. Or perceived writer’s block. Or whatever this is that I have that makes me feel like I can’t write. I’m probably just being a giant pain in the ass. But whatever.

As inspired as I am by all most of what I’ve listened to or talked about, I am stuck in this place of…weirdness. There are a lot of feelings rolling about lately and as much as I wish that I was super human or a robot, I’m actually not either of those things. And so FEELINGS. And every time I sit down to write? FEELINGS.

I am stuck here thinking that no one wants to hear about my feelings because *I* super don’t want to hear about my feelings. Probably because my feelings are a giant pain in the ass…just like me! That’s just the reality, folks.

But then I turned the tables on myself. (I mean, not ON myself…that maybe would hurt.) I’m trying to look at this from another point of view. I’m trying to look at this like YOU were telling ME a story about taking your kid to college and crazy life and how it’s hard. I would listen to you and I would probably give you a big hug and probably a cheese plate (sorry if you’re weird about touching and lactose) and I would tell you how sorry I am that it’s hard. Because damn, it kinda sucks when things are hard and when feelings get in the way of doing other things. Then you would tell me how you really are doing fine! Because you really are. Even when sometimes it feels like you’re not. And I would give you another hug and more cheese BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WE DO! And then you would feel so much better because talking about it and cheese and hugs are really good things to do! But then I’m going to get serious with you/me and tell us that it’s super okay to feel all the feelings. Even when you think it’s super not okay. (It really is.) And then I’m going to tell you to have a little more patience with yourself. It’s the right thing to do.

This time…THIS TIME you’re going to believe me. You’ll know it’s okay to feel all the feelings and be excited and proud all at the same time. You’ll also remember that it’s okay to be REALLY OK but also have feelings that hang around, too and sometimes they get in the way of the things you want to do. And then you’re going to ask me about all the different cheeses that are on your special cheese plate of love and I’m going to have to tell you that the ‘cheese talk’ will happen in another conversation because there is a time and a place for everything. Don’t worry, though…there’s still plenty of cheese and plenty of hugs and basically we’ll solve all the world’s problems like total bosses.

You’re welcome, world.

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